I wanted to wake up at 3am this morning, and I’ve wanted to do that for the last couple of weeks now. The only issue is my moods been all over the place and my motivation has been lacking. I went almost a year and a half without internet or cable or Netflix or any of that stuff, i just watched old movies and tried to have real conversations and interaction with my friends and family. As you can imagine it isn’t the easiest thing to make friends when you haven’t seen an episode of Walking Dead or that one with the dragons, the name escapes me right now. I’m not quite sure if it is me that is missing the boat or if it is the people around me that are being distracted; hard to say one way or the other.
But in the past couple weeks I got my internet turned on and I have Netflix back, and like so many of my friends and family around me Netflix has sank its teeth in with a vengeance. The first day and a half of having Netflix and I’ve already watched a full season of one of my favorite Anime’s and a few more random movies. As the days clicked on by my movie count increased and my time away from my t.v plummeted. That mixed with a malaise of not feeling great since my dog got fixed hasn’t helped my mood in the least. I also haven’t been working out or eating as healthy as I’m accustom to, it just seems the reigns are slipping from my fingers, and with this blog, and the shirt company I’m starting, and the other things I’m forcing into my daily life I’m hoping to regain some control over the turbulence of my life.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know my life isnt bad. I mean I’m in america, that alone is better than a great many poor souls around the world, living in poverty or in a war-zone or whatever else may be the issue. Conversely I’m not saying I’m in a great place because America is the best or anything, I’m just aware that my situation could be far worse, I have a full time job, a family, a few good friends. But above all I have this fire in my belly that says I need to do more to give back to people and to make sure my life was a life well lived.
Now I’m not sure what that means or if it is something achievable, all i know is it is something i am shooting for, I want to help, i want to inspire, i want to build a better world for everyone to live in. And I know the only way to do that is to build myself. I believe that is why my mood has fallen to such a low state and I’m in this fog of unhappy unfulfilled-ness. I’m not doing what life has given me to do.
The point of this blog is unknown to me at the moment, maybe its the first steps to a platform, maybe its an open door for the world to come in an join my life, maybe it is my attempt at vanity and fame and thinking my life is something people will want to take part in, my it is my fear that I wont leave a mark on the world but at least I’ll have left this little bug bit of a blog, maybe I’m just writing to get words and thoughts trapped in my head out and i think people should hear them too. Maybe. Who knows, its not for me to know. I just know ive always wanted a blog. So, Vualaa.
The Untrained Writer 